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Ask OlamondNaija: The woman of my dreams has friend-zoned me — how do I get out?

Ask Olamond is a weekly advice column and a listening ear to help you sort through your issues.

This week on Ask Olamond, John has met the woman of his dreams. The only problem is that she just wants friendship.
Dear Olamond,

I’ve met this amazing woman, and everything seems to click. We have great conversations, enjoy spending time together, and complement each other well. It feels like we could have something special.

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The only problem is that she’s not interested in a relationship right now. She says she’s not ready, but I can’t help but feel there might be more to it. Here’s the thing: even though I respect her boundaries, I can’t deny that I have strong feelings for her, and it seems like she might feel something for me too.


What do you advise?


Dear John,

It can be daunting when we have romantic feelings for someone who just likes hanging out with us but doesn’t want to be anything more.

Here’s what you need to do: express your feelings to her, not to change her mind and make your case, but just to express your feelings, honestly and openly. To seek love you have to come with humility. Be kind when doing this. You don’t want to approach things from a place that makes her feel like she denied you something that you deserve because you have been by her side as a friend.



It’s important to respect her decision whatever it is and not put her in a spot where she feels she has to say yes or say no. Remember, you are just expressing your feelings.

Sometimes, giving yourself some distance can provide clarity. Try staying away from her after this to make sense of your thoughts and also to allow her to sit a bit more with the information you just shared with her.

Finally, this might be the hardest option, but you might need to move on. If her needs aren’t compatible with yours in the long run, it might be best to pursue a relationship elsewhere.